why are there not any bikini's like this?

So this is what I want to wear to the beach/pool/walking down the street in vegas. A skirt made of tassels to hide any possible junk in the trunk? That is AWESOME. I just know that wearing it you would feel like a grecian goddess (or maybe your grandma's table cloth, it could be a toss up). Anyway, I know in this outfit you could wear a flower behind your ear and it totally wouldn't be an ironic statement. sigh. If only I would sew.